Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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