someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
