He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
