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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Alcohol?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Sex with a fat chick.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?

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• (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.

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• (415): View more from California

  His crazy is a thing to be cherished

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."

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• (415): View more from California

  don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.

  Fav 0 49 25

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