Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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