I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
