babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think my moral compass just broke
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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