I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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