Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
