I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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