you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
