Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
