My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize