Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
