He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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