It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
