Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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