Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
