there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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