i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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