i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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