So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
