oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize