the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
