In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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