Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
