dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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