is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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