You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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