I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
