it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
