Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
