i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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