Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
