walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
