yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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