shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This baby is an asshole
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
