the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
