sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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