i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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