C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
