Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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