Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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