Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize