I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
