Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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