I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
