I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
