; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
