yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
