i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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