Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He shit in the fireplace
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
