ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
