he shaved USA in his pubs
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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