I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize