He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
