i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
