sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize