HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
