I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
